Sally’s Friend
Just another WordPress.com weblogArchive for July, 2009
Mr. Lewis seems to answer a question for me..
“When a man turns to Christ and seems to be getting on pretty well (in the sense that some of his bad habits are now corrected) he often feels that it would now be natural if things went fairly smoothly. When troubles come along-illness, money troubles, new kinds of temptation-he is disappointed. These things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; but why now? Because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us.”
-from Mere Christianity
by
C.S Lewis
hard as stone
i feel like stone beat against stone
sharp edges cut and chip at me
i am not easily managed
crumbling
i am crumbling
why it did not work..?
We were in the car again, driving through this desert from one dusty spot to another when a question came to mind. I wondered, did I fail? If I did fail was because of some unfaithfulness on my part? I say “some” like it is difficult to fathum there could have been unfaithfulness, but I think that there was. Was it the struggle? Was it the frustration with the questions and was it the fact that I had questions? Did I mess up? Did I mess up bad enough to cause the dream to fail? Was it because I got tired? Was it because I did not have enough faith? Was it because I did not pray enough?
When I decided to leave Asia it was not for the lack of trying to stay there. I prayed, I asked, I hoped, I tried but there was no peace about staying. I left there wondering if I would return and now I am wondering if I just failed at the work. Did I just fail God?
i plan
i plan
i plan for sand between toes and fingers
i plan for tiny bits of earth between the foot and rubber sole
i plan for squinted eyes and reddened skin
for wind blown hair
for dry skin on the cheeks
for smiles and water and laughs for weeks
for tears and weight and wrinkled skin
i plan for a desert garden
for wild grass and flowers and trees
i plan for the umbrella beneath sun and rain
for sun baked tea and mint leaves
i plan for tiny feet bare and running
for fruit and nuts and happy times
i plan for tiny smiles
for lots of fun
