This is hard and had I written this last night when hubby, toddler and baby were fast asleep as I lie there wide-awake waiting to be the milk machine that I have been turned into the f word surely would have been used, most likely more than once.

I am tired. The toddler has endured a crazy week and a half and is acting accordingly, which makes it tough. We went away for several days and came back with a baby and then we packed up the apartment and moved in with my brother’s big family. I understand it though, his moods, and even with everything I think that I am managing to get him back into a routine. The kids are great with him here and I think that he really loves them too. He will be fine. I am finding out that he is a bossy little bugger though.

I am so freaking discouraged. The first few days were ok. The last few have been so damn hard. I am questioning my ability to do this thing at all. Can I take care of them both? The question seems to me really to be, can I take care of them both well?

I really should mention that as with the last one a few days after delivery the headaches were gone.  So now we just manage the blood and i will hope and pray for the years that it will take to raise these youngsters into great adults.  I must also mention that in spite of all my mood swings and flip outs hubby has managed to be quite great, even now when the tears can come in a split second he is there with good words and a caring shoulder and the constant reminder that we are in this together and even when i am upset and say that i do not believe that or feel that, well, we both know that i do, i do believe it and am holding onto it with all of my bloody strength.  So with all that said, with my complaints lodged and my heart a tender mess I would like to thank God for all of this, good health, healthy babies and a great hubby- and now, amen.