Sally’s Friend
Just another WordPress.com weblogArchive for July, 2006
looking for a new church home
I have been to two “C’s” since coming to TX and this is a sort of comparison from my journal- be aware that it is part of my processing the need to be in a “C” and the irrelevant/relevant “C’s” out there- and the hurts and anger and confusion that is my mind and emotions about the organized Church and “C” service in America and the world today.
Here: The Pastor has to prompt a response from the congregation. Many of them are still and quiet,
Thought: i must have looked that way at the other place-
Here: The teaching is that- a teaching- systematic and follow able.
There: it was a pep talk, a defense of lifestyle, a them and us thing…un-follow able
Here: You can drink coffee and eat some breakfast- you can wake up and quietly acknowledge God…
There: not considered “honoring the sanctuary to eat in it..”
The Pastor said something here about some people who had been raised in the type of “C” were all the things that we are meant to do are such law and rule that it is shoved down throats and that some will move away from these things and maybe stop altogether, reading the Bible or praying or…
He is speaking about feeding the spirit. I know that he is right.
There: The people were- out of hand- speaking out at nothing- it tasted contrived and empty- but they got something less than solid to eat (i don’t know what it was but i would not call it milk)What’s the deal?
(taken from my journal)
Some thoughts on the drive away from the “C”First of all, i did wait until the thing was dismissed but i did also practically run out the door…did not want to talk to anyone…why?
random: Is it strange that when i sneezed in the “C” and no one said “God bless you” that this pleased me? This is something to be noted in the Bible belt.
Anyway- back to the driving away…
i was thinking of the relaxed, almost sleepy state of the small congregation and it stuck me-
A reaction of the wounded church?
or a wanting to be “real” and “sincere” and not just looking so? both?
a reaction of those slammed on the floor by big men in white shirts and ugly ties? of those who do believe
who’ve been pushed against walls?
who love God
but were not allowed to were shorts or hats or flip flops in “C”
or go to rated R moviesor perhaps not allowed to go to movies at all or dances or…???
a wounded group?
or just a wounded few and a calm few
who can come and “W” who can come and get teaching, good teaching-rather than a pep talk in between verses in the bible that ones brain would struggle to draw lines to tie the two together (to bring into similar context at all)
-OR-
it could be a breed of lazy, too-cool-to-make-noise-in-C-people
or people who dangle between the “C” and the world…It could be some mix of both
but
The loud, glitzy, look the right way but care nothing for the neighbors unless they add to your “C”s official numbers leave me wanting a calmer, feed the poor and maybe never speak in tounges in public people…although i am jaded
i think that there are all types in all places but because i grew up in the charismatic but incredibly un-impactive group- i know what that kind of insincerity smells like, tastes like, looks like…i would not as easily recognize or even suspect it in more unfamiliar places.
So, give a “C” a break, hey?
So I am driving and the thought comes..(and i have no doubt as to were it comes from) this “C” that i have visited today is a good place for the wounded to come alive again…
like a flower (here we go-symbolism and perhaps this is just me )
a flower growing in a place where the gardener knocks it around for not growing fast enough or waters with contaminated water that has been tainted with the sort of stuff that would produce in said flower a certain sheen in its pedals and a more distinct or acceptable color of green in the stem but will damage the flowers ability to find the nutrients in the soil that it needs and to be healthy in its inward parts unseen by the naked eye…
But this “C” is a place where flowers damaged by years of an, unintended in many instances, abuse…a flower that wonders if it is really a flower at all…
a flower unsure if the soil is necessary…
So the place felt a safe place for this flower (bent and broken and ugly form its self imposed hunger strike) to come and learn to love the soil again and let the water in and like the garners hands and sheers and where this flower can learn to stand..again.
I wrote it down- when it crossed my mind- sitting in the “C” the only one taking notes…
Do i wanna do this?
Join a “C”
Be accountable
Have someone to answer to?
Be a part of a family and take the responsibility(S) that come with all of that?
So the question is that, Do i wanna do this?
i need it. i am not so jaded yet that i can deny this.
it is a good thing.
the right thing, if i ever want to grow and be healthy again, i must, at some point walk in a particularly narrow way…cozy as it (the”C”) can be it will always be (in all its right forms) community and community is hard for one who prefers the quiet killing/dying of the alienated and alone.
I like that when people spoke to me at this”C” that they did this not with hungry eyes and eager faces -having to do the “right thing” but they came with friendly eyes and relaxed faces…i did want to run (its been a long time you see) but i felt ok (even good-like water) to sit and sing and write down what the pastor said…
me
Chuck S.
Way back when…I caught the sound of a grandfatherly voice on the radio whom I came to find was a very wise and godly man…He has over these ten years of “C-hood” remained my favorite “B” teacher….. recently there was a small box, a wooden bench and a pretty view of the lake and Texas treescape and a man, a beautiful man and at an odd moment a woman and her dog (I have to think that she was concerned for the crying girl) and now, always but especially now, I feel the need to listen to wise people and especially this man on particular subjects… giddy today, t
Chuck Swindoll
Jul 13 – 14 What Families Need to Thrive Excerpts from Ephesians
Jul 7 – 10 Practical Advice on Making Marriage Stick Ephesians 4:25-32
Jul 5 – 6 Symphony of Survival in the Key of “C”
Jul 3 – 4 Getting Back on Target Genesis 2:21-25, 3:8-13
Jun 29 – 30 This is Not Your Grandfathers Family
Dates I want to remember:
January 22, 2007
November 18, 2005
July 13, 2006
November 4, 2004
two friends
who would have thought what?
this man, this!
Marshall was excited and frustrated and hungry.
he spit the words out and his eyes moved form face to car to ground and then to sky.
who would have thought that we would be here, man! I mean really!
Jack looked around and said, yeah man, your right.
this is a trip.
I wouldn’t of thought it.
his eyes were not as red though. His face not so animated.
his heart not so into this “adventure” that the two friends had , gotten themselves into.
The sky was turning red from pollution and the sunset.
The rain had stopped hours before.
The two men had pulled out their bags and begun preparing for their big adventure.
Marshall was more excited than Jack had ever remembered seeing him.
the day was turning out to be a pretty damn great day.
To Be Continued.
