sooooo,
Something has happened…
some long dormant “female being” in me has been awakened
(and she cries a lot)
she has been so long kept under lock and key in some dark cellar far away from the sun

she is dancing now on sweet new grass
barefoot and lady-like
hair blowing in the wind
she even wears a flowing “girly” gown that flutters as she goes catching the sun in its folds

funny though,
she does not look like me exactly
she looks something like me but so much better
so much younger
(that’s not meant to be a jab at my age)
it is just that she is somehow timeless
ageless
beautiful
and free

my heart has been opened
but not torn open by the hands that held mine
(hands i miss terribly)
he pulled so gently
somewhat patiently
so tenderly
and it seems that a floodgate has been opened
(thus the incessant flow of tears)
but they are not all bad, these tears are not, they show me something deep and meaningful and
sweet

something that the other Tina seems to fear and hate and struggle against
(it is a loosing battle)
something that the new Tina savors if one can use that word so
something I am loving
something that makes my stomach jump
(like it does when i remember his arms, his voice, him)

its okay,
i’m okay
its just that suddenly I am a girl
and I am not ashamed of it.
(i felt a period was needed there for point)