sometimes its easy
the words drop like honey
they drop like leaves from tree ready for the winter
other times they are few and abnormal
difficult to squeeze from sap and branch
today they bubble like fountains and I can hardly calm them
hardly tame them
but i think that they were never meant to be calm
words
they were meant to be sifted
arranged
diluted
but calm?
I think not

busy catching up today
the thing I least enjoy
but still
the long hours alone help me find the distance in the day and its winds
i choose punk to tickle ear drum and drown out the thoughts
i drink in vitamins
and cold water to tell my stomach to be quiet
i talk to my best Friend and hope He can hear me through all these drums and screams

i send away for info and application
i book a ticket to fly fly fly
away
i prepare heart to return
to leave ?
to return ?
i want to run to —- at home and smoke and drink and curse
but that would only leave me empty, right?
not even he can make me better
only narrow road and gambled dream can make things right
only this trail of ancient footsteps can take me there
to the place I really want to be
to the place that I really need to be
to the place were I really long to be
with Jesus
in His paradise
peace,
t