Random at best.

This morning there are three things that I wanted to tell you about.

Firstly, do you recall those high school or junior high moments back in the day (way back) that made you want to chuck it all and live in a box behind a dumpster where no one would ever set eyes on you again? Side note: it is when we so not want eyes to land on us that we put ourselves in the most noticeable situations. Here you might argue that the homeless tend to be invisible but that is to our fault and not to thiers. They are the most noticeable people on the streets that we walk; we intentionally look away. But be the last one on the street or stuck in an elevator with one of these and you will recall later every scar, every wrinkle, stitch and missing button. So there that was quite a side note.

So yesterday I found myself in that ‘high school’, adolescent, wish that I could disappear moment for sure. Now it is not as though I am not often insecure. I am caught in that particular grip quite often, to some degree or another anyway. But yesterday it was one of those ‘pimple on the tip of your nose on you senior picture day’ (before they would let you do a redo for any old reason). And so there it is, I was at a bus stop, waiting for a bus, and feeling like a little tangled fool, to no ones fault but mine own I must say. I simply did not fit in there and I had no idea how to get in.

So much for ‘cross cultural’ training, I need to go back to school.

Secondly, I wanted to say something weird about bread. I was slicing bread this morning to have with my choco spread and I caught myself wondering what my flat mates will think when they come home and find all this food in our tiny fridge. I wondered the more what they would think of the three (yes three) kinds of bread that they would spot. I heard myself explain (all in my head) how one was for breaky and one was good with salads and is just too nice for breaky and the other was a good organic rye that was really nice with garlic and herbs. I think that I am becoming more and more…eccentric with age and loneliness.

And fat.

Thirdly and lastly I found this a.m. a little card that I had taken with me on my last outreach. It has a scripture on it in Chinese and English. I would take it out and read it now and again and remind myself to be humble and pray for my teammates.

The verse is Matthew 23:12

“For whoever exalts himself will be humbles and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.

I read it this a.m. and was like, “duh”.

I was humbles on that trip, more than I can recall in recent years and it was painful and I was stupid. Good thing He is more merciful that I.

I wanna be like Him today.

Peace, t